28 Nov 2006

Counselling Homework. Task Two

Hello, my serious face is back on!
My apologies if this blog at times does not flow, but there are times to be daft and times to terribly serious and indulge in mad pondering!
I am afraid reading other peoples blogs has made me feel very inadequate! so i am trying to be more professional but cant seem to manage it. So sometimes you will be literally getting whatever flows out of my brain!(imagine a boiled haggis burst, see picture in previous post).
Also remember that if you don't want to read anything else except the counselling stuff, feel free to whizz past the other stuff!

So Task Two

  1. Think of a time when you were really listened to and felt heard:
  • How did you know you were being heard?
  • What were thinking and feeling?
  • What was useful?

2. Think of a time when you didn't feel listened to:

  • What made you feel you weren't being heard?
  • What were your thoughts and feelings?

3. What might be some other barriers to listening?

OK off you go! pens and paper at the ready!

Please remember i am just a student, but i have really gained a lot so far from my counselling studies. Even if your not really interested in counselling yourself, there is always something new about yourself that you may not of been aware of.

Most of the time people underestimate how much people like/admire/love them!

Any questions for me? leave it in comment box!




  1. I knew I was being heard because the other person validated me by paraphrasing what I had said accurately. I thought she was a good friend and felt pleased that she had listened to me. Yes it was.

    I knew I was not beiong heard, because the other person did not make eye contact and continued with what he was doing while I was talking. In addition, his affirmative grunts were inappropriately timed. I felt irritated at him, and thought that he would take my suggestion.

    I have a complete list of barriers to listening, but I'll leave that to someone else.

  2. My subject will be when my wife and I were having some relational problems.

    How did you know you were being heard?

    We sat at the kitchen table and had a lengthy talk. We each knew the other was being heard as eye contact was constant, we repeated what the other had said, and we discussed everything in detail.

    What were thinking and feeling?
    What was useful?

    I would say we were both thinking that although we loved each other deeply, we were at a wall and kept beating our heads on it. The "feeling" was one of mutual dispair and a longing for resolve.

    It was extremely useful for one person to repaet the concern of the other, that was we knew each of us had been heard.

    2. Think of a time when you didn't feel listened to:

    Many times over the course of the last year and a half while trying to explain problems with a new computer system to my supervisor. It's often like talking to a post.

    What made you feel you weren't being heard?

    Zero change. He would merely continue to reiterate what he had said, disregarding what I, or anyone else, told him.

    What were your thoughts and feelings?

    Absolute frustration. If you are not being heard on a continual basis, you can easily come to the point where you give up.

    3. What might be some other barriers to listening?

    Where you decide to discuss something can affect the outcome. Comfort level and privacy come into play in many situations. A willingness to listen from both parties. The understanding of the subject matter from all parties. Timing.

  3. Hello! well top marks for both of you so far!
    Both of you seem to really grasp what counselling is about and how it occurs in your normal day to day life.
    Of course thats not called counselling, but i think it certainly highlights how important it is to really listen!
    This is really helping me with my revision, as i have my first test next tuesday! so thanks!

  4. hey, clairexxx
    I knew I was being heard because of fairly constant eye contact -- and, as things got more intense, the eye contact became less intense. I felt like I was being given my space/privacy to be able simply have my feelings and not feel judged.

    also, the person used active listening -- paraphrasing what I'd said and inviting feedback in case she got it wrong.

    questions asked of me were appropriate. when I paused -- even for long periods before answering -- the other person simply waited -- there was no hurry or impatience -- for me to answer.

    the whole experience simply felt warm.
    I knew I wasn't being heard when my sense was that the other person was simply waiting for me to shut up so she could make HER point. whatever I said was of no consequence because she'd already made up her mind.

    the feeling was a sinking in my gut -- and hopelessnes at ever being able to communicate. and cold.
    interestingly--both of these women were counselors / therapists.
    luckily for me, the 1st was my therapist.
    unluckily, the 2nd was my boss.

  5. Thanks for visiting my blog. I can already tell that you will be an awesome counselor.

    Keep the dream.


  6. Thanks 2 Crows every answer i get is a boost to my revision! its easy to become well read, but its so much better getting different peoples perspectives.

  7. Thanks Paul, for the visit and the compliment! I am so glad i started blogging!