Hello, well this was a difficult one for me. Not that i really find it hard to talk about, but its hard to put into words.
WHAT KINDS OF ENDINGS OR LOSSES HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED?
Mum being in and out of Hospital throughout childhood
WHAT WERE YOUR FEELINGS AT THE TIME?
Mum being in and out of hospital from when i was around 5, This started off as quite a fun thing, going to relatives and especially my dads parents aka Grandad Puff Puff (he was model railway and steam train mad!) and Grandma Lil. But as i got older and began to be aware of what was happening things got harder.
I felt very isolated in school as i was quiet and never talked about how ill my mum was. I never had mates round to play as i never knew whose house i would be staying at (My dads life revolved around work and visiting mum).
I realised i missed out on a lot, but now i really appreciate it in a strange kind of way. It has most definitely made me a better person.
I will post another time about my mum and her ailments as its a long long list! but although sometimes her body lets her down, she is still with it mentally!(no offence mum!) all this and she is only 47!
When my Grandparents died I felt a whole range of emotions from deep sadness to feeling some relief that they were not in pain anymore. This hit me hard! they looked after me a lot while mum was in hospital and spoiled me, which i needed. I was with my Grandma when she had the stroke which took her away from me in spirit, her body held on for a few more years and in some ways i wish she had died straight away. I hardly visited after she had the stroke, which still haunts me now. My grandad health deteriorated a lot, he drank and smoke heavily, then lung cancer sucked away what was left. He went from being a 6 foot 6 giant of a man to a thin, hunched over sad man.
Leaving college I felt very happy and positive as I was going to Uni, but also some feelings of anxiety about making new friends.
I had strong feelings of regret and disappointment about not finishing university.
I had mixed feelings about not being friends with some people, mostly feelings of relief because they were not good friends.
Thanks for those who commented on this one! I know its a difficult one.