Hello, well this was a difficult one for me. Not that i really find it hard to talk about, but its hard to put into words.
WHAT KINDS OF ENDINGS OR LOSSES HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED?
Mum being in and out of Hospital throughout childhood
Grandparents Dying
Leaving college
Leaving university
Losing friends
WHAT WERE YOUR FEELINGS AT THE TIME?
Mum being in and out of hospital from when i was around 5, This started off as quite a fun thing, going to relatives and especially my dads parents aka Grandad Puff Puff (he was model railway and steam train mad!) and Grandma Lil. But as i got older and began to be aware of what was happening things got harder.
I felt very isolated in school as i was quiet and never talked about how ill my mum was. I never had mates round to play as i never knew whose house i would be staying at (My dads life revolved around work and visiting mum).
I realised i missed out on a lot, but now i really appreciate it in a strange kind of way. It has most definitely made me a better person.
I will post another time about my mum and her ailments as its a long long list! but although sometimes her body lets her down, she is still with it mentally!(no offence mum!) all this and she is only 47!
When my Grandparents died I felt a whole range of emotions from deep sadness to feeling some relief that they were not in pain anymore. This hit me hard! they looked after me a lot while mum was in hospital and spoiled me, which i needed. I was with my Grandma when she had the stroke which took her away from me in spirit, her body held on for a few more years and in some ways i wish she had died straight away. I hardly visited after she had the stroke, which still haunts me now. My grandad health deteriorated a lot, he drank and smoke heavily, then lung cancer sucked away what was left. He went from being a 6 foot 6 giant of a man to a thin, hunched over sad man.
Leaving college I felt very happy and positive as I was going to Uni, but also some feelings of anxiety about making new friends.
I had strong feelings of regret and disappointment about not finishing university.
I had mixed feelings about not being friends with some people, mostly feelings of relief because they were not good friends.
Thanks for those who commented on this one! I know its a difficult one.
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Claire, may I suggest that friends, about whom you felt relief over losing, were not friends period.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely right! if only i had known at the time! but it all goes toward making me the person that i am now (which is good i hope!)
ReplyDeleteClairex
Claire; I know how hard it must have been for you to have had so many losses but in their own way they have made you this wonderful person we visit each time we come to your blog. You should be very proud of yourself; of your resilience, caring nature and sense of humour. As for the "friends"; I have that problem too with family! Any way enough slushy stuff; congrats on visitor 600 and looking forward to seeing what you're going to be growing for the gardening challenge
ReplyDeleteRx
p.s. Nice bras!!!
Thanks for that Ruth!
ReplyDeleteWith friends/family like that who needs enemies!
I love the occasional bit of slush!lol!
Its one of my better bras, lol!
Clairex
Sounds like you've experienced a lot of loss during your life. Between ages 8-14, more than 5 close relatives died...the first (and most difficult) being my father.
ReplyDeleteAs an adult, most of my loss has come in the form of romantic relationships. At the time, I was terribly hurt...now i realize that each of those experiences have helped to shape me into who I am today. So, I'm quite grateful. If I should suffer another romantic loss, I'll suffer through it knowing that there's something better out here for me.
hey counselor, sorry to here that about your father.
ReplyDeletei think as this assignment has highlighted that people can go through horrible emotional things but they do come out of it the other side, not a necessarily a better person, but a stronger person.
Thanks for this!
Clairex