4 Dec 2008

I am a clumsy fucker

Now that I am nearly back to my usual sunny disposition, I thought I would enlighten you on certain aspects of me. I see a lot of these "pick three words to describe you thingys" going around. I couldn't/wouldn't attempt to do that, as I think nearly every descriptive word can be applied to yourself at one point in time. Its just that certain words resonate louder for longer amounts of time. So I thought I would do them word by word, whenever I feel like it. One that has haunted me from childhood is Clumsy! Note I use the word haunted, by jove this word has fucking haunted me!

Yes, yes, I know its hard to believe, but I am a severe danger to myself. I have long given up the idea that I can actually walk through walls and doors, unfortunately I haven't given up the habit of walking into them. At the moment I have two stubbed big toes, a scabby elbow (hit hard on door frame) and a bruise on other arm from an unprovoked door attack. Not to mention the twice tripping over of cables and nearly ripping modem out of socket. That's just from the past few days, funny aint it? (No!).

I was constantly reminded as a child that I was a clumsy sod, with lots of 'watch out!' being hurled at me. If anyone is going to stand on dog shit today it will be Claire and of course it was.
Recent quote off the mum "Well you were accident prone". Gee thanks mum, now looking back at it, I think I had some form of dyspraxia.

How do I manage to survive in this world with so many dangers all around me? Fuck knows!
Examples of recent buffoonery:
Was walking along with friend, just a normal flat pavement, no hazards, seconds later.
Friend: Claire why are you on the floor?
Me: I fucking fell over!
Friend: I know, I saw you. But theres nothing to fall over.
Me: /sigh I know, it must be my ankles or something....
Friend: Need a hand getting up?
Me: Fuck off! I mean no....thanks.

As I am so clumsy, that means team sports are out of the question. Why is that? Because I am more likely to catch a ball with my face, than I am with my hands (yes that has happened, several times). So hiking is a perfectly acceptable 'sport' for me, well apart from the tripping hazards and possible falling off mountains to my death. If anyone is going to fall over whilst out hiking, guess who it is?

Picture this, I am jogging along  and catch up with mates who have hiked on a bit ahead:
Friend:What took you so long? Taking bloody photos again?
Me: Ermmm yes!
Friend: Why are you covered in mud? Are your pants ripped too?
Me: /whistles.
Friend: You fell over again, didn't you?
Me: Hahahaha no.
Friend: You did! ahahahahaha.
Me. Piss off!

Hiking is still worth it, even for a clumsy fucker like me: Check out the pictures! Hiking Posts.
So there you go, now you know that I am a right clumsy sod.


  1. Oh, sister (and unfortunately her daughter) have the same problem. They can walk across a level floor and bust their arses! It's great entertainment! *LOL*

  2. LOL. Your friends should keep better track of you.

    Perhaps you should live in a padded room for your own protection? :P

  3. I definitely feel for you. Although my cranium isn't abnormally large, it still can seek out the most pointy and blunt objects with which to ram itself cupboard doors, car door frames, my husband's chin (I'm low to the ground)

    It's a joy being of the clumsy nature!! :) At least we provide comedic relief for friends and family!

  4. Well, among my family and friends, I'm known as the most accident-prone person alive. Just yesterday I got my lip cut by the foil wrapper of a chocolate bar I was eating. Is that even possible?! Oh, I also have the reputation of falling down in every country I've ever visited. With my 30-country travel plan I guess can look forward to 30 more? :/

  5. I feel your pain, my knees have the habit of finding sharp metal edges underneath any dispatch console, along with taking lightbulbs out of the socket with my fire helmet, having wet electrical wires flash in front of me, and routinely finding my funny bone in either elbows. Glad to hear that you're starting to feel better!!

  6. It reminds me of my best friend growing up. If there was a wad of gum anywhere on the playground, it would end up on her shoe, and then her sock, and then somehow stretched and smeared up the leg of her jeans. That was the way it went.

    If there was anyone in the gymnasium throwing a basketball, it would fly out of normal range and manage to bounce off the center of her head.

    This was a regular occurrence.

    It's taken her years to recover from the brain damage and laundry bills.

  7. And I thought I was clumsy... ;)

  8. that was fun to read ..

    I used to be clumsy at school .. i'm getting better now he he he ..

  9. "I have long given up the idea that I can actually walk through walls and doors, unfortunately I haven't given up the habit of walking into them"

    ha ha ha

    I have the same issue. I am a very clumsy, clutzy, forever injuring myself kinda gal!

  10. Hi,

    It was fun reading this clumsy post :-)

    Kind regards,


  11. I really like this new style of doodle/ drawing you have been doing. Kind of a cartoon I guess. Looks like a lot of fun to make.

  12. one of my all-time favourite children's book is about a family of klutzes. they get bruised all over all the time but they lead a very happy life. go klutz go!

  13. This rings a huge bell Claire, I once just randomly fell down in the street in front of a very genteel old Caribbean bloke who had to help me up, I was so embarrassed as he was an old man walking with a stick, yet I was the one on the floor. I think I made his day! And I'm the one with ripped muddy trousers on hikes too, in fact - do you find you get blown off your feet easily on hills when the weather is bad? I do and it's terrifying! Hope your various bruises and scabs heal soon, and having just started to read here again, hope your flu is well and truly better.

  14. Oh I resemble this post, very much. But not only am I clumsy, I'm a trouble magnet. As in, if someone's gonna get sick, be made to look stoopid, fall over, hurt themselves, break something, etc... that will be me.

    So even if you're a clumsy person, if I'm around then you're safe. I will take all the mozzie bites, I'll get the Bali belly, , burn myself with hot tea, bust half my big toenail open, sprain my ankle, lock my house keys in the office when I don't have office keys and then set off the alarm at work coz I don't know the code to turn it on/off... drop my phone, lose my wallet and/or money, walk into furniture, sit right next to the people who rudely talk loudly, never sit next to the hot guy on the plane (just the average/ugly one).

    I'm your gal!! You want me around coz I'm gonna attract all the dodgy things that could happen to anyone and draw them onto myself.