16 Jul 2009

I want to ride a bicycle and stuff

At the age of 27 I have found myself in the awkward position of not being able to ride a bike, or at least not effectively. How did this tragic event occur?
Firstly the mumborg being in hospital a lot was not conducive to bicycle learning time and the dad had to juggle the siblings, work, mumborg and I. Although I still think they could of squeezed this vital skill in somewhere.
Secondly I never actually got a new shiny bicycle of my own, I got a second hand bmx thing from somebody or other which was a dangerous beast and built for a boy type person.
So things were not looking good for me at all, especially when thirdly I have the coordination skills of somebody with two left feet dancing to the wrong rhythm, backwards and upside down (that bad).
What limited time I did spend riding bicycles was not fun at all, I was too scared to go fast and couldn't get the hang of those wretched gears and brakes. It is not a good idea to put your feet down instead of braking, this can lead to painful and embarrassing situations. Please keep the guffawing to a minimum as you read the rest of this tale.

Whilst on holiday in some lovely part of the country, Suffolk I think, the dad decides we should hire bicycles for the day. At the time I probably thought it was a great idea, it would soon become apparent that it was nothing of the sort.
Picture this, Dad in the lead whizzing round country roads followed by us lot (mum, sisters and me) when he signals that we should all stop. These were one way country roads and sometimes they proved to be rather dangerous. So immediately, instead of applying the brakes, I put my feet down and some how end up on the floor. That was bad enough, but did it end there? Oh no no no. Heather my younger sister had not even learnt to put her feet down to stop, let alone use the brakes. So guess what? She proceeded at speed to ride over my head and down the road until the dad stopped her.
Luckily enough I survived the incident with no injuries, apart from a few cuts. Oh! I nearly forgot to mention the big fuck off tread mark across my forehead! Did I get tea and sympathy? Did I heck as like. It became a family gem of a tale and I don't think I have ridden a bike since. Not that you could really blame me after that horror story.
So what now? Am I resigned to just these two feet of mine? Or do I attempt to mount a two wheeled steed once more? At least I could get a shiny new bike and a big pink helmet ( wow that sounds wrong). Do they do bicycle lessons for buffoons?

I suppose this falls under the category of 'Doing things that could make you look foolish, but you want to anyways' kind of thing.

Other News:
In a recent blog post I requested your votes to send me on a penguin filled adventure. Whilst it it something that I would love to do, it is becoming abundantly clear that I will not be winning. The company will get a shit load of publicity and I will get nothing, so sod that for a lark. I will just have to wait my turn to molest the penguins and build the worlds biggest snowman

Heather the runner over-er has once again started blogging, it will probably last about a week, but you never know. At the moment she needs advice on teapots, teacups and wedding invites, so let the hordes descend on her blog.

Mumborg update: It is always fun in mumborg world. I have lost count how long she has been in this time, month and a half I think. Time flies when you are having fun and all that.

Previously in mumborg world....
Doctor type person: We shall let any infection clear up before/if we operate again.
Mumborg: Okay
Present day in mumborg world:
Doctor type person: Oh it looks like you have an infection, we better operate!
Mumborg: Okay
My opinion on the matter? I have to wonder at the doctor type persons thinking on all things mumborg. I know she is a difficult case, but it is getting increasingly frustrating when they appear to have no clue on how to handle the mumborg. The mumborg manages to stay cheery no matter what, which further proves my theory that she is in fact a clone gone wrong.

Latest news: Awaiting swab results, if there is any infection they will operate.


  1. Your earlier bicycle experience sounds quite horrific. Traumatising even. Especially when said incident becomes one of the favourite family jokes. *shakes fist at insensitive family who probably mean no harm, but anyway!!*

    Nevertheless, I'm sure you can manage to learn to ride again. I think you just need some patience and perhaps a lot of soft grass (at least at the beginning) and low speeds. Leave zooming along at top speed til later. Oh, and perhaps you should have a few lessons on how to use brakes before you put your wheels in motion?

    I don't care what colour your helmet is, as long as its on your head (does that sound wrong, too?).

    As you may know, I highly reccommend cycling. Its my only form of transport, having given up my car with the job I left around 12 months ago. Go for it luvvie - if you can do the Moonwalk (congrats BW) then you can cycle. I'm sure of it ;)

    Shame about the penguins.

    Continued best wishes for the mumborg.

  2. Alright, I just read this story and this doesn't sound like you DON'T KNOW how to ride. It just sounds like you had a tragically bad time riding. I'm so sorry for Wee Claire. :-( I do think you should give it another shot. Flying about on a bicycle is quite nice. Wind in your hair and all that. I doubt you are as clumsy as me. When I was working retail, I once broke 36 martini glasses in a tragic maneuver. I broke my ankle from just turning around. I broke my foot chasing after a cell phone. I stand, I fall. That is just me. If I can ride, so can you. How else are you and I go on a biking adventure?

  3. "Boy type person"- lol! Yes, what are those strange creatures??

  4. I've had worse than a treadmark on my forehead...though, contrary to what a friend says, I did not, by the time anyone outside the hospital saw me, have gravel sticking out of my face...the nurses were very capable and professional and did a perfectly nice job of getting that out...what was striking was what wasn't on about a quarter of my face...i.e. the epidermis. At that point, however, I didn't wear a helmet (and, in fact, had it not been for my left hand quite literally breaking my fall--leaving me kind of like Wolverine for a while, with four hooks sticking out of my hand--I'd probably be in a nursing home right now with some capable and professional nurse serving me a dinner of strained peas).

    My point here is that anybody can be a buffoon, especially those of us who don't wear necessary safety equipment and don't pay attention to where we're going on our bikes.

    So, no need to beat up on yourself. Just take it easy, maybe start out riding on the grass, going slowly but not to slowly, preferably with a friend who will be more patient and helpful than your dad was in the adventure here described. In time, biking will get less scary and you'll even start to enjoy it...really....

  5. Well you had my vote for the penguin trip! Reminds me of the past few elections(with the exception of O'Bama), where my vote didn't seem to count... LOL, as far as the cycling, you can do it. Just start out slow and avoid steep grades and loose sand/gravel. Get used to puttering around and using the brakes. You can do it, I know you can!

  6. I never got taught to ride either! A friend had to teach me on an old rust bucket...thankfully no tire tread trauma tho. I've been thinking of getting a second hand bike lately, maybe we could try and kill ourselves together somewhere...

    Love to the Mumborg as usual xx She's just too difficult that one ;)

  7. It's a wonder you don't run in the opposite direction when you see a bike coming your way!
    I lived in the country when I was but a wee child and had the run of the fields. We didn't wear helmets back in the old days - just fell on our noggins and wore our lumps like badges.
    I had a run-in with a shovel several years ago. While pushing down on the shovel, my foot slipped and tore up my knee - actually broke part of the patella. So my biking days are well in my past. Maybe you could get a bike with a sidecar and we could double up??? Yeah, that's SO wrong...
    Still cheering on the mumborg from this side of the pool. Please send her my best!

  8. Doctors are, at best, guessing.

    All the best to the Mumborg

  9. I am one of those folks who find bike riding a bit overrated. Unless you have a good flat path with no one around, then I would go. My best bike ride was on a beach in Hilton Head, South Carolina. Beautiful weather, hard sand, a simple no gear bike (Pee Wee Herman Bike.)
    All the best- LL

  10. I have to say that my daughter never learned to ride a bicycle. We tried and tried and she just wasn't interested. I am so glad you weren't hurt more than your listed injuries.

  11. Funny story.
    The last time I was on a bicycle was when I was, I don't know, about 13?
    I went fast down a hill and into a dip and wanted to accelerate going up the hill again, but my foot got stuck in the pedal and I went somersaulting over the handlebars. Passersby gasped and asked if I was OK. I was hurt, but surprisingly not too badly. Before that fall, I had no fear. But now I'm scared of bicycles and haven't been on one since.
    But you know what they say, once you learn to ride a bicycle, you never forget.

  12. Oh dear! I can totally relate. I learned to ride a bike when I was about 12-13. Last time I rode was about 3 years ago, I would never do it again, at least not on the street. If it is a park or something like that yes.

  13. Not laughing. Nice writing and doodles. I can sorta relate, at least from an adult experience in which I turned the left side of my face into a big scab.... good times

    John, the Agit8r