20 Aug 2009

Talking to my rage

The rage overwhelms me as the drilling begins once again, my fists clench and fingernails stick into my palms, my whole body seizes up with the tension and my head feels like it is trapped in a vice.
I turn the music louder and louder, but the insidious sound of the drill oozes through the walls and straight into my already addled mind.

It stops, I breathe in the silence.

Then it all starts again.

I step away from the computer, abandoning my work once more, how can one type let alone think when all I can see is the red mist of anger in front of me.

I feel sick, I pace around.

I sit in the bathroom, its quiet there and cry out of frustration. I shake myself out of it, none of that malarkey.
I attempt to do other things, household chores that need doing, but could be left. I should be doing work. I NEED to be doing work!

They are not doing on it purpose, I reassure myself, trying to feel a sense of calm.

But how can they not know this is driving me to distraction! The less rational I yells to myself, the wall, the whatever and the vice tightens again.

You should have gone the library, rational me says.

Fuck you! Why should I move all my stuff to the library, this is my house!

Why put yourself through this, you know the building work is going to continue?

I know!


I guess I will go the library tomorrow?

Good, no excuses.

What if it rains?



You do know that this anger is more at yourself, than the building work? Stress is a killer, you know that?

Piss off! (I know)


Mood enhanced/encouraged by this track : Talking Heads - Psycho Killer  

Tip for the day:
Feeling stressed, angry or upset (or all)? Then write it down, talk to someone (other than yourself), do a piece of artwork, go for a walk, listen to some relaxing music. It really does help, it is better out than in, someone said.
Okay "Its better out than in' normally refers to when someone farts, but consider a shitty mood like a malingering build up of noxious gas, much better out! Well for you anyway.


  1. I feel like this at times as well! hate it! but listening to music and talking does help though!
    good luck!


  2. Aah I have the same thing! The last few days I feel like a confused idiot! I need to work on my thesis and all I do is giving blank stares at my walls and windows.
    I have tons of work to do, but the only thing that relaxes me is to draw stuff or listening to music, but when I do that I want to dance. Even is if it's relaxation music.

    Stuipd school...stupid thesis...

    PS.: I'm being terrorized by flies instead of moths.

  3. Ah stress ... a friend of mine! You're right, though, it's better out than left in so scream if you need to - trust me, it helps!

  4. Drill drill drill drill drill drill... until your head explodes!

    No, don't let your head explode, or else you won't be writing/drawing these posts and entertaining others :)

    Like you said: Don't keep it in, just let it all ooze out, k? We're on the other side seeing the results.

  5. if it makes you feel any better, the other day i got so mad at my mom that i cried because she told me i wasn't allowed to have a grilled cheese sandwich (because of my stupid restrictions)

    imagine. 22 and crying over a grilled cheese sandwich. i think i've lost all dignity.

    (also i haven't done any work on my thesis all summer. except dragging all of my books with me every time i go into the hospital...)

  6. I've done a big of "raging against the machine," myself. I can take a lot but watch out when I'm over my limit! I've done a lot of journaling in my day before blogging. I think I must burn most of it before my kids stumble on them after I croak.

  7. LOL - good analogy! haha And that's some snazzy internal conversation - I have a lot of those!

  8. Oh dear, I feel your stress pain, and I will raise you.

    There's always headphones as well I suppose?

  9. Great journaling effort with the dialogue - it's very good therapy. I do it in my journal whenever I'm in a stuck feeling. Hopefully you'll work this out and realize what you have to do to deal with it.

  10. @toothfairynotes, Yes feeling like this is awful at times, thank god for music, doodling,talking and writing.

    @TJ Lubrano, Have you ever stared so long at a wall that you start wondering whether your eyes could turn into lasers? lol I have!

    I hate flies, they are disgusting and the reason why I would never kill a spider.

    @Linda, Stress is bugger aint it, tempted to scream lately, I just might lol.

    @Kate, thanks for the lovely comment and you are so right! The nature of this beast (this course that I am on) is that you get so self reflective that you cant hide from your own shit, without a voice in your head going 'I know why you are doing that' what a bugger, lol. I have took measures to take the pressure off :)

    @Lauren, No grilled cheese? What a shitter! I would of thought you could eat whatever you could stomach! All my friends laugh at my book bag of doom that I cart around with me and never look at.

    @Gracie, good point about going over ones limit, you know you have but then whoops it is too late and something has got to give. The rational part of you tries to tell that to you, but if you are like me, you ignore it. People can be such maroons at times, me especially.

    @Drowsey, hey dude! Yes it is rather snazzy and toned down lol! I actually felt great just writing it down, like releasing a pressure valve at the base of my neck.

    @Alison, I hope not? You okay?
    Headphones don't work, as the drilling vibrates through the walls and that is what gets through all the loud music.

    @Suzen, Hey :) It really helped, I should of written things down much sooner, but sometimes you don't want to face the truth of how stressed you are feeling. I am feeling much less stressed at the moment! Thanks for the lovely comment :)

  11. "its better out than in" this is the most helpful advice because it is so so true. I need to find a rational me that is actually rational. I'm such a lazy person in and out.

  12. I find that snuggles with dogs work quite well for stress relief. As does working out.

    I think you need a dog. :)

  13. Urgh, how annoying! Glad you were able to get it out in doodle-form.

  14. Yea, listening to music is a good stress reliever and also talking to someone who can understand you.. I usually do either of these when I am upset or angry..Good post!

  15. Well. You seem quite peaceful this time. I am glad you have worked out some of that stress and are able to just kick back like this.

    So, this newly graduated marriage counselor was doing her best to help save this young couples' marriage and she says to the wife, "There must have been SOMETHING you saw in him at one time that you loved?"

    And the wife goes, "Yeah, there was. But he spent it."

  16. Psycho Killer is my favourite song!

  17. @Kaori, Hey, I am not sure my rational me, is all that rational hehe. It is better out than in is great advice, which 'I' actually need to follow more often myself.

    @Haley, tis lovely to see you commenting here :) Unfortunately I am not a pet person, even fish are too much hassle! Although dogs are awesome for walking, I will give you that.

    @fromthesamesky, Yeah a rather shitty mood to be in for sure.

    @Novice Writer, Good point you made by emphasising on a person that 'understands you', that is the tricky bit!

    @relaxmax, time reflecting does allow a certain amount of peace to seep in :)

    @Jessica, It is one of mine too, I love Talking Heads and it was very appropriate for this post :)