17 Apr 2008

The story of Scallop Man.

After my rather wordy Hamburg post, my lets say 'unique' sense of humour needs an outing. The challenge was where to direct it? I know! Lets make fun of someone. Now the trick to making fun of someone is too link to their blog and then you can be mean, but they the 'victim' still gets something nice out of it. By nice I mean one or two extra hits and people laughing at them, all in a jolly sort of way.
My victim/playmate is Mr.45 an elusive, mysterious and sometimes grumpy 'man'. I am writing 'man' in such a way to further annoy him and create an air of gender mystery. Why did Mr.45 get this dubious honour? He showed a sign of weakness, never admit to disliking something in view of me. I found all the information I needed in this post The Wrath of Scallopman. Be warned that there is the use of some bad words, such as testicles in that post. If you read the post you will find that Mr.45 likes if not loves scallops, a thing I happen to detest. That wasn't enough info to create a post though, it was this following statement:

"I cringe in terror for even just writing of a Scallopman. I’m sure he would want to kill me for having thoughtlessly eaten so many of his delicious brethren over the years."

Scallop Man! Now that is something I can work with, someone cringing in terror! perfect.

For the sake of this doodle story, Scallop Man was created after a scientist slipped on some cherry lube (he was a lonely scientist) and mixed some genetically modified samples. This produced a beast of unknown terrors that escaped and sought out evil scallop munchers to devour them. Scallops are in fact Hermaphrodites, so they could do more than devour you, but maybe I shouldn't go down that avenue?

So did you like the tale of Scallop Man?
Who will be next in a doodle horror tale?


  1. It's a horrific tale that's definitely put me off eating scallops. I especially like the drooling tentacles ... or are those the creature's naughty bits?

  2. What are scallops, aren't they some kind snail?

  3. "Slipped on some cherry lube"... LOL, you just crack me up. And since when is testicles a bad word?

  4. LOL. Seriously... I LOVE the Scallopman post. And Mr. .45 is right to fear him.

    But sooner or later these monsters seek revenge, and I can only thank my lucky stars that I detest scallops. I love shrimp on the hand, but I doubt there's a Shrimp Man on the loose (well not the monster kind if you catch my drift).!

    Very cute and funny!

  5. Claire, I think that the tentacled-Scallopman doodle is your best one yet.
    ps: I LOVE it that he slipped on cherry lube!

  6. That's the most terrifying doodle I've ever seen you do...though funny because you have .45 crying like a little girl...hehehe

    I actually love scallops..mmmm So I hope this monster isn't real. ;)

  7. @Franscud, Hooray one less nasty scallop eater :)
    As Scallop Man is a mutant Hermaphrodite the tentacles could indeed be naughty bits :)

    @Carl they are these Scallops. Just yuck.

    @Pit, hmmm homed in on the lube did we? I am glad I crack you up :)

    @Jillian, this is not cute! Its horrifying! For that I will create shrimp man and he will devour you. Shrimps are not hermaphrodites they filter shit, so be afraid! mwahahahahaha!

    @Mo, why thank you. I think the subject matter helped my creative juices flow :)
    Yes the cherry lube is popular, heh.

    @Diamonddigger, you were meant to announce that you will never consume scallops again. Because you didn't you are going on the 'LIST'. Of course Mr.45 would be crying like a girl :)

    @Thrift criminal uh oh! No mmmmmmmmming scallops, you can mmmmmm the cherry though.

  8. Ok so I love this post for various reasons, and the first being the air of horror you portray. Needless to say that is right up my alley and I am lovin' it. Secondly I absolutely LOVE scallops. We are talking Yuummmmyyyy in my tuuummmmmyy! And lastly, but certainly not least-ly, to harass .45 is just plain fun. So... let the fireworks begin and the cherry lube flow..... and tomorrow? I will be at the japanese steak house eating scallops on the barbie. Oh yeh!

  9. Scallop Man will surely eat my brains for I too have dined upon his brethren, much like a gluttenous slut. ;)

  10. @Petra, Obviously it wasn't horrifying enough as you are still going to eat the horrid things, now I don't want to wish you a horrible hermaphrodite induced devourance but what choice do I have?

    Harassing .45 is much fun, I wonder if Scallop Man has already devoured him or they may of fell in love and ran off together?

    @qelqoth, It does not surprise me that you are gluttonous scallop eating slut. But you would probably like an encounter with Scallop Man, tentacles an all. So one would have to think of something worse for you.

  11. You just said the "T" word. Man, I fucking love Hentai.

  12. @qelqoth, I have been known to enjoy the odd bit of hentai. I knew you would love that shit.

    Your punishment is to dress in Burberry, listen to the spice girls and drink MD 20/2O.

  13. That is a punishment worse than being devoured by a gigantic fucking scallop man. I will have nightmares now. For life.

  14. You couldn't have doodled me having fun at Reeperbahn, could you? No, I have to be getting eaten by Scallopman! Ack. This may be the first time ever cherry lube has caused such horror.

    Don't think I'm gonna let you get away with this! I will be digging through your archives on a mission of revenge!

  15. @qelqoth, that's the point of a punishment your not meant to like it :)

    @.45, Nope I couldn't doodle you doing that, what fun would that be.
    Also Scallop Man didn't just eat you.

    You don't have time to dig in my archives, heh.

  16. You're right! But someday when you least expect it.

    Nahh, I couldn't be mean. Anyway, I like the doodles, right down to the detailing of the radioactive symbol on Scallopman's, well, scallop.

  17. @.45, pffft I am pretty sure you could be mean, but I am glad your not going to be :)

    You are meant to be deeply traumatised, not all nice and observant! I may have to do another more disturbing one.

  18. Yes, I could be, but it's the whole karma thing, and you wouldn't be on my short list of people to be mean to anyway, unless you're really out to traumatize me. Then I may have to reconsider.

  19. That could be a very fine comic!! :D

  20. @.45 I am a big believer in Karma, so I wasn't really trying to traumatise you, honest :)


    @Roger, you shouldn't really encourage me like that :)

    What are you scared of? heh.

  21. Should you wish to develop this further, into a fully-fledged animated series, complete with Scallop Man action figures and big-budget movies, I have thoughtfully written a theme song for you:

    (Sung to the tune of the Spider-Man theme)

    Scallop Man, Scallop Man,
    Does whatever a scallop can,
    Can he swing from a web
    No he can't, but he is tasty


    Here comes the Scallop Man!

    My fee is ten gold coins.

  22. Do you know the Scallop man, the Scallop Man, the Scallop Man?

    Do you know the Scallop man, the Scallop Man, the Scallop Man, who lives in Drury Lane?

    Brrrrr ... I'm scared now!

  23. @Lord Likely, an animated series with figures sounds splendid, but you cant say that Scallop Man is tasty! That would really piss him off.

    @Marmelade, does that mean you have forever forsaken scallops?

  24. Claire, your entries and drawrings blurs the line between genius and lunacy. If I were to see you on the streets I'm not sure if I'd hug you or run. But I'd definitely stalk you.

  25. @ginger m, I think this is my favourite comment ever :)

    You can hug me, run away from me or stalk me.

    Just don't try to stab me :)

  26. that was side splittingly funny. I am at work reading it, and had a little outburst of giggle, no my co-workers for sure think I have lost the plot.

    Do you think I can hire scallopman to get revenge on some of my less friendly co-workers? That is if he is not too full from devouring .45

  27. But Scallops are yum. Or am I missing something?

  28. @Caroline, I hope your sides are not permanently damaged? Scallop Man is never full so I am sure he would devour a co-worker or seven!

    @thriftcriminal, Scallops are not yum, so you missed that! yuck.

  29. Creamy white wine sauce with a bit of fennel in. Excellent.

  30. "Creamy white wine sauce"

    That's what they told you it was?

  31. @thriftcriminal, not excellent.

    @.45, does that mean you have decided to give up the foul things?

  32. Your doodles are becomeing very lifelike! It's scary! :(

  33. @akelamalu, I worried that you didn't declare your hatred of scallops?

  34. You couldn't possibly scare me enough to stop eating anything as delicious as scallops. Mmmmmmm!

  35. @.45 I probably could scare you enough to stop, but I will be nice and leave you alone with your foul love of scallops! yuck!

    You can sit over there------------------------->