14 Feb 2011

The Grumpus and Love

The Grumpus and love, it is a tragic tale, but what do you expect from someone called The Grumpus? This tale will also make very little sense, but that is not the Grumpus's fault.

Many many many many (x ten) years ago:

The Grumpus was minding his own business as he plodded around the jungle, when he all of a sudden noticed this beautiful tropical walled garden, the likes of which he had never seen before. So he passed through gates made of gold and was given the obligatory Fig Leaf  to cover his naughty bits.

Grumpus and the apple

A rather suspicious looking large purple snake persuaded Grumpus to take this luscious looking red apple and give it to the fur maiden of his choice. Surely nothing bad could happen now?

Au contraire! From the moment that Grumpus took that bloody red apple, he was destined to be unlucky in love and he would pass this fate on through the ages or something like that.... Any fool knows that a lady Grumpus hates apples!

Fast forward through time:

The Grumpus was the official ambassador for the Grumpi at the annual Lupercalia festival, it was a right bloody laugh, there was singing, dancing and nakedness. Surely there was a chance of him getting lucky with someone/thing here? Well there was until a strange bearded fellow by the name of..... Valentine showed up! History becomes clouded around this time and somehow Valentine ended up dead and a saint! What a bastard.
Who killed Valentine

Just who killed Valentine (Hallmark?)

Next we see Grumpus swayed by an alluring ankle, covered in ample green fur and toenails of the most beautiful yellow and brown tones.

The Grumpus and the ankle

This drove Grumpus crazy with desire and he was willing to try anything, so he did what all the cool kids were doing in them days and wrote a postcard to his beloved. Which of course failed miserably, as the silly bugger had no idea where to post the thing.

Grumpus Vintage Postcard

Nothing was working and poor old Grumpus was getting rather desperate, so he reluctantly decided that he would give the lady Grumpus his heart. Not really understanding what this strange sentiment actually meant, this confused the Grumpus. How could he give his heart, but still be alive and finally get some Grumpus on Grumpus action? As he was pondering this matter, in wanders Snuffles, the pet cat that had kept him company for many a year.....

Grumpus gives a heart

What finally worked it's magic on the lady Grumpus? Was it love? Was it bollocks! The thought of making someone's life a misery forever was all the aphrodisiac she ever really needed. So they are now miserable together, forever, until one dies (or is murdered).......

Grumpus, ball and chain

Happy Grumpus Day! 
It's the holiday for every holiday that annoys the shit out of you.

Hat tips to people that sparked off an idea: Timethief for Edenish, Juliana for Valentine, Jenn for Vintage/Victorian, Talegends for ball and chain. 

For a far happier magical Valentines day, please wander over to TJ's blog and read/look at  Preparing to find a Valnetine


  1. I LOVE the Grumpus - and that last doodle is my favorite. :)

  2. Hahaha! How cool Claire! What an adventure Grumpus had, while he didn't even had to go through much trouble for Lady Grumpus ^_^.

    You know how much I love the Grumpus! He's such a cool character, with a slight creepy side. But he is Grumpus for a reason hehe.

    Ooh! I love the subtle effects you used as well! 'To my Dearie' is my fave! I can't wait to read more about Grumpus and his adventures!

    *twirls around*

  3. aw...I love Grumpus. We are kindred.

  4. Inspired xxxx poor puss :( ....not really..I hate cat's x

  5. I love it! :) The last doddle is absolutely priceless.

  6. In Grumpusland the old saying, "Misery loves company" is not only a great truth, it's every citizen's patriotic duty. The prospect of being unmarried and happy is a fate too horrible to contemplate.

  7. Awww who doesn't love a happy (sorta) ending!
    Btw, St Valentine died decapitated ;-)

  8. What an adorable, yet twisted, tale. All hail the Grumpus!

  9. Yellow toenails do it for me, as well.

  10. Hilarious! Loved this post, as I said to TJ, thanks so much for putting the links up to your blogs on blog catalog, I've really enjoyed visiting both of your blogs. Am now following both of you!

    Keep up the good work!

    Lauren K

  11. You're quite mad, you know...

    And I like it. :)

  12. Great story, and the last doodle is so cute. :D

  13. I am loving this! The vintage postcard is gorgeous and I want a Grumpus plushie!

    By the way I left a huuuuge comment for you here:

    I really hope you do experiment more with your tablet and Photoshop. I think you would do amazing things!

  14. Nothing quite like a dystopian holiday for the sick of love er ... love sick. Best wishes to the grumpus and fellow grumpi.

  15. @Tricia: Interesting that you pick the old ball and chain one, somebody is definitely chained up at the moment! :)

    @TJ, there are a few gaps in the tale (okay a lot), but that leaves LOTS of room for me to invent new ways to woe Lady Grumpus.

    I wasn't going to agree with creepy until I sketched out lastest Grumpus and there is no getting away from the creep factor in that one!

    "To My Dearie" was thanks to Jenn and her awesome vintage victoriana!

    @Lovey: and the Grumpus LOVES you! xxxxx

    @Andrea, me too! Well I try not to use the word hate, but......

    @Timethief, Thanks muchly and thanks for the inspiration for the first one :)

    @NP, as if I would ever try to sneak in double meanings.....

    @Deray, everyone loves a 'Happy Ending' nudge nudge wink wink. Unless you were there at the decapitation, that is just a theory!

    @Janene, Adorable and Twisted! I like that combination a lot! Thanks :)

  16. @Doug, Yellow toenails are hot! and chewy :)

    @Lauren: Glad you followed the links and too you time to read this post and enjoy it! Hope you come back again :)

    @Jenn, I prefer eccentric! hehe! and you fuel the madness.

    @Daniel, Thanks! Who doesn't want a disembodied head attached to their leg for all of time?

    @Kim: If I could sew at all I would attempt a plushie! But I can only use superglue, but now I really want a plushie, so maybe I will attempt one!

    /runs off to read comment

    @Jamie, It is a sickness indeed, or makes one feel sick,sickened, sickening etc :) :)

    @Demian: Thanks dude!

  17. The taking of the cat's heart was PRICELESS - you made me forget all about my zombie fetish for like 120 seconds which is VERY hard to do. WELL DONE!

  18. @Petra, Yeeeha! What an awesome comment :) I shall have to indulge my darker sense of humour more often :)